Executive Function:Your Brain's Shitty CEO (And How to Fire Them)

Why Your Executive Function is More Like a Drunk Intern Than a Fortune 500 Leader

Let's talk about the biggest lie you've been telling yourself: that you're in control of your own brain. Spoiler alert, you're not. Your executive function, the supposed "CEO" of your mental operations, is actually more like a drunk intern who showed up to work without coffee, can't find their glasses, and keeps getting distracted by shiny objects.

What the Hell is Executive Function Anyway?

Executive function isn't one thing, it's a collection of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Think of it as your brain's management team, responsible for:

• Planning and prioritization (deciding what to do and when)

• Task initiation (actually starting the shit you need to do)

• Working memory (holding information in your head while using it)

• Cognitive flexibility (adapting when plans change)

• Inhibitory control (not doing stupid things on impulse)

• Sustained attention (staying focused on boring but important tasks)

• Goal management (keeping your eye on the prize)

The problem: This system is fragile as fuck and fails at the worst possible moments.

Meet Your Brain's Executive Team (They're All Disasters)

The Prefrontal Cortex: Your Overworked Manager

Location: Right behind your forehead Job description: Make rational decisions, plan for the future, regulate emotions

Why it sucks: The prefrontal cortex is the last part of your brain to fully develop (around age 25-27) and the first to shut down under stress. It's metabolically expensive to run, so your brain turns it off to conserve energy whenever possible.

The science: Your prefrontal cortex uses about 20% of your brain's glucose, despite being only about 10% of your brain's volume. When you're stressed, tired, hungry, or emotionally overwhelmed, your brain can't afford to keep your executive function online.  Its all about cutting costs - who hasn’t been there

The Anterior Cingulate Cortex: Your Anxiety-Ridden Assistant

Location: Deep in the frontal lobe Job description: Monitor conflicts, detect errors, manage attention

Why it's problematic: This overachiever notices EVERYTHING that could go wrong and sends you into analysis paralysis. It's like having an assistant who points out every possible problem but offers no solutions.

The science: The ACC is hyperactive in people with anxiety disorders and ADHD. It's constantly scanning for problems, which can overwhelm your actual decision-making capacity.

The Orbitofrontal Cortex: Your Impulsive Troublemaker

Location: Just above your eyes Job description: Evaluate rewards and consequences, impulse control.

Why it fails: This area develops based on early childhood experiences and can be permanently fucked up by trauma, neglect, or inconsistent parenting. It's why some people can't seem to think before they act, no matter how many times they get burned.

The science: Damage to the orbitofrontal cortex (even subtle developmental damage) can result in poor impulse control, difficulty learning from consequences, and problems with social judgment.

The Neuroscience of Why Your Brain's CEO is a Hot Mess

Executive Function Develops Backwards (And That's Fucked Up)

Here's some evolutionary bullshit that'll piss you off: your brain develops from the inside out and back to front. The primitive, emotional parts come online first, while the rational, executive parts don't fully mature until your mid-twenties.

What this means: You spend the first 25+ years of your life making decisions with an underdeveloped management system. By the time your executive function fully comes online, you've already established patterns, habits, and neural pathways that may be completely counterproductive.

The science: Myelination (the process that makes neural connections faster and more efficient) doesn't complete in the prefrontal cortex until around age 27. Until then, you're up & operating with amateur-level executive functioning.

Stress Turns Your CEO into a Panicked Intern

When you're stressed, your brain prioritizes survival over sophistication. The amygdala (your alarm system) floods your system with stress hormones that essentially hijack your prefrontal cortex.

The cascade of fuckery:

1. Stress hormone release: Cortisol and adrenaline flood your system

2. Blood flow redirection: Blood moves away from your prefrontal cortex to your muscles

3. Glucose depletion: Your executive function runs out of fuel

4. Network disruption: The neural networks responsible for complex thinking go offline

The result: You make impulsive decisions, forget important information, and can't think your way out of problems that would normally be easy to solve.

Your Executive Function Has a Daily Battery (And It Sucks)

Executive function isn't unlimited. It operates on what researchers call "cognitive load", and that load has a daily maximum. Every decision you make, every impulse you resist, and every complex task you complete drains your executive function battery.

The science: This is known as ego depletion or decision fatigue. In a well-known 2011 study by Danziger, Levav, and Avnaim-Pesso, researchers looked at over 1,000 parole decisions and found that judges gave significantly harsher sentences later in the day, unless they had just taken a break to eat. Another study by Kouchaki and Smith (2014) showed that people, including business leaders, are more likely to make unethical or poor decisions in the afternoon, when their mental energy is drained. So when you find yourself ordering pizza instead of cooking dinner, it’s not just laziness, your brain just can’t handle one more fucking decision.

Why Traditional Executive Function Advice is Bullshit

Most advice about improving executive function is like telling someone with a broken leg to "just walk faster." It ignores the underlying neuroscience and assumes you have more control than you actually do.

"Just Use a Planner!" (Ignores Working Memory Deficits)

If your working memory is shit, you won't remember to check your planner. If your task initiation is broken, you won't use the planner even when you remember it exists.

"Just Focus Harder!" (Ignores Attention Regulation Issues)

Sustained attention isn't a matter of willpower – it's a neurological process that can be impaired by everything from ADHD to chronic stress to blood sugar fluctuations.

"Just Be More Organized!" (Ignores Cognitive Flexibility Problems)

Organization requires the ability to categorize, prioritize, and adapt systems when they stop working. If your cognitive flexibility is compromised, rigid organizational systems will fail when life inevitably throws you curveballs.

The Unfiltered System™ for Executive Function Optimization

Here's my science-based approach to working with your brain's limitations instead of against them:

Step 1: Audit Your Executive Function Failures

The technique: Pattern recognition for cognitive breakdown points.

Track when, where, and under what circumstances your executive function fails. Is it time of day? Stress level? Blood sugar? Social situations? Specific types of tasks?

The science: This builds metacognitive awareness, your ability to think about your thinking. Metacognition is one of the strongest predictors of executive function improvement.

Step 2: Optimize Your Brain's Operating Environment

The technique: Environmental engineering for cognitive performance.

• Sleep: Your prefrontal cortex needs 7-9 hours to fully restore glucose and clear metabolic waste

• Nutrition: Stable blood sugar prevents executive function crashes

• Exercise: Increases BDNF and improves neural connectivity in executive networks

• Stress management: Chronic stress literally shrinks your prefrontal cortex

The science: These aren't lifestyle suggestions, they're cognitive performance requirements. Your executive function is only as good as your brain's hardware allows.

Step 3: Design Systems That Assume You're an Idiot

The technique: Idiot-proofing your environment and processes.

Create external systems that do the heavy lifting so your executive function can focus on what actually requires complex thinking. Automate decisions, create forcing functions, and design your environment to make good choices easier than bad ones.

The science: This is called cognitive offloading. By using external tools and environmental design, you free up cognitive resources for tasks that actually require executive function.

Step 4: Batch Similar Executive Functions

The technique: Grouping similar cognitive demands to minimize switching costs.

Do all your planning at once. Make all your decisions at once. Handle all your communication at once. Don't scatter these throughout the day like fucking confetti.

The science: Task switching has a metabolic cost. Every time you switch between different types of thinking, you drain your executive function battery faster. - One day we’ll talk about “multi-tasking” and why this is a concept born from bullshit.

Step 5: Build Executive Function Through Progressive Overload

The technique: Gradually increasing cognitive demands in controlled conditions.

Like physical exercise, you can strengthen executive function through progressive challenge – but only when other variables (sleep, stress, nutrition) are controlled.

The science: Executive function training works, but only when it's specific, progressive, and supported by optimal brain health. Random "brain training" games are mostly bullshit.

Dual N-Back training is one of the only so-called “brain games” with real research behind it. A 2008 study by Jaeggi and colleagues found it can improve both working memory and fluid intelligence, basically your brain’s ability to solve problems and adapt on the fly. But fair warning: it’s repetitive, frustrating, and takes consistent practice over weeks or months. Definitely not the flashy, dopamine-heavy stuff you see advertised on Facebook.

Cognitive Load Management - Learning to juggle multiple priorities without mental overload. This means practicing switching between tasks deliberately, not just being scattered. Think air traffic control training, not mindless multitasking.

Inhibitory Control Exercises - Literally practicing saying "no" to impulses. This includes meditation (the boring kind, not the Instagram wellness bullshit), delayed gratification exercises, and impulse regulation training. Your brain needs to build the muscle to override its first instinct.

Working Memory Challenges - Complex span tasks that force you to hold and manipulate information simultaneously. Math problems while remembering word sequences, following multi-step instructions while tracking changing variables. It's mental weightlifting, not brain candy.

Meta-cognitive Training - Learning to think about your thinking. Planning strategies before you start tasks, monitoring your performance during execution, and evaluating what worked afterward. Most people skip straight to doing without thinking about how they're doing it.

The Foundation Requirements:

• Sleep optimization - Your prefrontal cortex shuts down first when you're sleep-deprived

• Stress management - Chronic cortisol literally shrinks the brain regions responsible for executive function

• Physical exercise - Specifically aerobic exercise that increases BDNF (brain-derived neurotrophic factor)

• Nutritional support - Omega-3s, B-vitamins, and stable blood sugar. Your brain can't perform executive functions when it's running on sugar crashes and inflammation.

The brutal truth: Most people want a magic app that makes them smarter in 10 minutes a day., (...Which is exactly why these fucking apps exist),  Real executive function improvement requires months of deliberate, progressively difficult practice combined with lifestyle changes that support brain health. It's not sexy, but it works.

Advanced Neuroscience Hacks for Executive Function

Pharmacological Interventions

Caffeine: Blocks adenosine receptors, improving working memory and sustained attention

[Nehlig, A. (2010). Is caffeine a cognitive enhancer? Journal of Alzheimer's Disease, 20(s1), S85–S94. https://doi.org/10.3233/JAD-2010-091315]

L-theanine: Reduces anxiety without sedation, improving cognitive flexibility

[Kimura, K., Ozeki, M., Juneja, L. R., & Ohira, H. (2007). L-Theanine reduces psychological and physiological stress responses. Biological Psychology, 74(1), 39–45. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsycho.2006.06.006]

Modafinil: Enhances prefrontal cortex function (prescription only, and not without risks)

[Minzenberg, M. J., & Carter, C. S. (2008). Modafinil: A review of neurochemical actions and effects on cognition. Neuropsychopharmacology, 33(7), 1477–1502. https://doi.org/10.1038/sj.npp.1301534]

Note: I'm not your doctor. I’m not even a doctor. Don't take medical advice from me, some asshole on the internet.

Neuroplasticity Interventions

Meditation: Specifically increases gray matter density in the prefrontal cortex

[Hölzel, B. K., Carmody, J., Vangel, M., Congleton, C., Yerramsetti, S. M., Gard, T., & Lazar, S. W. (2011). Mindfulness practice leads to increases in regional brain gray matter density. Psychiatry Research: Neuroimaging, 191(1), 36–43. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.pscychresns.2010.08.006]

 Cognitive behavioral therapy:  rewires dysfunctional executive patterns

[Goldapple, K., Segal, Z., Garson, C., Lau, M., Bieling, P., Kennedy, S., & Mayberg, H. (2004). Modulation of cortical-limbic pathways in major depression: treatment-specific effects of cognitive behavior therapy. Archives of General Psychiatry, 61(1), 34–41. https://doi.org/10.1001/archpsyc.61.1.34]

Dual n-back training: The only "brain training" with solid research support for improving working memory

[Jaeggi, S. M., Buschkuehl, M., Jonides, J., & Perrig, W. J. (2008). Improving fluid intelligence with training on working memory. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 105(19), 6829–6833. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.0801268105]

Environmental Hacks

Cold exposure: Activates the prefrontal cortex and improves stress resilience

 Natural light exposure: Regulates circadian rhythms that affect executive function

 Noise control: Cognitive performance drops significantly in distracting environments

The Uncomfortable Truth About Executive Function and Success

Here's what the self-help industry won't tell you: executive function is highly heritable and significantly influenced by early childhood experiences. Some people won the genetic lottery and had optimal developmental conditions. Others didn't.

This doesn't mean you're fucked. But it does mean that:

1. You should stop comparing yourself to people with naturally superior executive function, it's like comparing your 1995 Honda to someone's 2024 Tesla

2. Focus on optimizing what you have rather than trying to become someone you're not

3. Use tools and systems to compensate for areas where your executive function is weak

4. Get professional help if your executive function deficits are significantly impairing your life

   
   

Why Most People's Executive Function Gets Worse Over Time

Modern life is designed to fuck with your executive function:

• Decision overload: You make about 35,000 decisions per day (most unconsciously)

• Chronic stress: Keeps your prefrontal cortex in a constant state of impairment

• Sleep deprivation: Even one night of poor sleep significantly impairs executive function

• Multitasking: Doesn't exist, it's rapid task switching that drains cognitive resources

• Digital distractions: Constant interruptions prevent deep, sustained thinking

The solution: Design your life to protect and optimize your limited executive function resources instead of squandering them on bullshit.

Your Executive Function Rehabilitation Program

Week 1-2: Audit and baseline measurement

• Track your executive function failures

• Identify your peak cognitive hours

• Establish sleep, nutrition, and exercise baselines

Week 3-4: Environmental optimization

• Eliminate decision fatigue triggers

• Create systems for routine decisions

• Optimize physical environment for focus

Week 5-6: Cognitive load management

• Batch similar tasks

• Implement strategic breaks

• Practice single-tasking

Week 7-8: Progressive challenge

• Gradually increase complex task demands

• Practice executive function skills during optimal times

• Build tolerance for cognitive discomfort

The Bottom Line: Your CEO Sucks, But You Can Work With Them

Your executive function will never be perfect. It's a biological system with inherent limitations, not a character flaw you need to overcome through willpower.

The goal isn't to have flawless executive function, it's to understand your specific pattern of strengths and weaknesses and design your life accordingly.

Stop fighting your brain's limitations and start working with them. Your drunk & shitty CEO might never become a Fortune 500 leader, but with the right support systems, they can at least stop burning down the office.